Real Chance at Real and Chance, Celebrity Rehab Rehash, and Charm School, Who?

THE STALLIONAIRES ARE BACK! Ever since New York dumped both Chance and Real, fans have been wondering what has happened to the "Dolemite Duo." Now (SURPRISE!!!) they have their own reality show on Vh1. These country-fried brothers are back and searching for their loves on the very same show. Sillyness and zaniness (and skankiness and ghettofabulosity) are sure to ensue as the girls grapple with which brother they really want to be with. Some want Real, the others want Chance, and the brothers want some of the same girls. I honestly don't know how this will work, because both brothers competing for the same set of girls is bound to cause problems when the girls change "priorities." It is already happening. Watch out for the "Third Stallionaire" that looks like a carbon copy of Chance **with a perm** comming up on the second episode.

Celebrith Rehab 2 has officially begun. And this season includes the zany Gary Busey attempting to "inspire" other addicts with his stories of the lows he's sunken to. Gary Busey is now acting as if he is totally invincible to a relapse. He is trying to pretend that he is in rehab to lead the others, when he is still totally out of touch with reality. Ex-80's sex kitten Tawny Kitaen put it best when she remarked that she felt she didn't feel she could learn anything from someone who was crazier than she was.

One other issue with Busey is that he admitted to smoking pot "medicinally" for asthma. Whatever you think of medica marijuana, his presence at rehab in light of that information is troubling. I am sure that if everyone there could smoke pot, they would be "sober," too. "Gary pass-the-dutchie" Busey is not really practicing true sobriety...he is using pride and denial to put himself in a position above the other addicts, and that is not inspiring, nor helpful. That type of stigmatization is exactly NOT what recovering addicts need.

Of course, because of the powerful story of Jeff Conway from last season, not only is Conway back again, but now we have Steven Adler, former drummer of Guns-n'-Roses who actually got kicked out of the band for doing drugs (?!?). Steven is desperately addicted to, like, everything, but you really can see he wants help. One of the most memerable moments of the sophmore show was when Steven, high and incoherent, blurted out that he wanted to get clean because he wanted to save his friendship with Slash. Of all of the new class of Celebrity Rehab 2, I am rooting for him the most (second is Rodney King, of course).

On Charm School 2, Rodeo got sent home after acting like a bipolar ox. She became understandably upset when Megan tried to cheat, but dang, she couldn't focus on anything but that, and it derailed her team's performance. Megan is a dimwit, and you can dress up a dimwith in cute clothes, but she'll still be a dimwit. Sharon got sick of her when she tried to pull a "I Love Money" rewind and blatantly lie about cheating. I don't know why Megan seems to permanently have this expression on her face, like she is smelling something stink (if you watched the extras, then it is probably the funk from unwash sillicone, 'cause she don't shower). This look also gives her away when she lies. I don't think she is there for anything but the 100 grand and an extention of 5 more fame minutes. And the only reason Lacy is still there is because the execs think she will be good T.V. Lacey is nothing more than a crack-striped rock wannabe. She doesn't really have any talent, and she knows that reality T.V. is it for her. She'd better milk the conflict with Dallas for all that it is worth, because that is her only claim to fame.

All in all, I think Celebrity Rehab is off to the best start. They've (ironically) got the best cast, and the show just seems to be more authentic.

Sincerely sober.

The "Real" (and Desperate) Housewives of Atlanta

Ok, so The Real Housewives of Atlanta has dropped on Bravo. I happen to like a lot of the reality TV shows that Bravo has because they get some of the neatest characters to participate (think "Santino"). The Real Housewives is no exception. There certainly are some characters on the show. Just not any good ones.

As I have openly stated in my profile, I am of mixed ethnic heritage (like most of everyone in America...it's what makes this country great!). I am actually part East Indian, Hispanic (Panamanian), Irish, Latin American Indian, African American, and even a little Cherokee. I most identify with the African American side of my heritage because that is how I look, and that is what I was raised around. When people ask me, I am Black, and I am proud, dammit.

Or, I was proud before I watched this show. A lot of blood, sweat, and tears was spent trying to raise blacks from under the heel of whites in the elitist society of Antebellum America. Now, 400 years later, we are volunteering to participate in another elitist society. I am in no way ripping on these women for their success (if you call marrying rich "success"). Everyone has the right to work hard, and enjoy their wealth, and regardless of whether the former part of this statement applies here, I feel that these women grossly overdo it. They constantly make a show of how much material things they have. It's shamelessly at the front of everything they do. Over half the premiere episode was spent displaying their conspicuous consumption. Yes, other Housewife shows have women buying big, but what that okay is that the women in those cases try to show you who they are beyond the glitz and glamor. These women don't. Their commercial consumption defines them, and they don't feel shame.

Did anyone see "Manor House?" This PBS special detailed what the English society was like in the Edwardian era. One of the many, many, many rules of social conduct during the era was that the ruling family of the manor never spoke to the servants. They had the butler or the housekeeper speak to the downstairs staff on their behalf. Sound familiar? If it does, that is because that is almost the exact sentiment that DeShaun uttered when speaking about the duties of her estate manager. Sound scary? That's because it is.

One thing this show proves is that regardless of skin color, we are all the same under the hood. I have felt at one time or another that white people are a race that thrives on classism. This show proves that blacks can be just as stuck-up and classist as any white on their worst day. It is just that whites had the opportunity to practice this on a grander scale.

I may be speaking prematurely, because I only saw the premiere. But I sincerely hope that these women go about proving that there is more to them than being the materialistic divas they have been portrayed to be in the opening episode for the series.

Sincerely non-elite

Rock of Love Charm School comes to VH1...and THE PICK UP ARTIST IS BACK!!!

On Sunday, October 12th, the women of Rock of Love 1&2 will return for another shot at money and fifteen-minute famedom. We even have the leftover famewhores (Brandi C., Rodeo, Destiny, Heather, and Megan) fresh from "I Love Money." This time, though, the gutterbabes really want to change their bottom-feeding ways and turn into socially acceptable middle-feeders. On Charm School 2, Vh1 will spend several weeks trying to convince us that these women really have more to them than what meets the camera lens.

Instead of the curvaceously outrageous Mo'niuqe, this season of Charm School will be headed up by Sharon Osbourne. Yes, that Sharon Osbourne. In addition, Sharon will have the help of school "Deans" to sort through the mess of "students." Riki Rachtman, of Headbanger's Ball ex-fame, and Daniella Clarke(!?!) round out the heads of the school. Besides Sharon, I can't quite imagine what any of these individuals have to teach these women about class, but, to quote Meatloaf, "two out of three ain't bad," when it comes to the Deans. And I love Sharon, but if she had such a hard time getting Ozzy presentable, does she really have what it takes to de-tramp these skanks? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Sharon Osbourne, but she may be in over her head after the better years of her live were spent changing Ozzy's diapers. Then again, maybe because she has had to go through such hell with Ozzy, she has the right mix of empathy and assertiveness to handle the hos.

Ok, so first impressions: Heather's back to her striptacular ways. Did you see her outfit? I mean, Heather has some personal style. On the one hand, it is strangely Rock-'n'-Roll. On the other hand, it is strangely "I just got off the pole" Rock-'n'-Roll. Tramp-chic, I guess. Lacey is back again. I honestly think she thinks she is a bigger star than she actually is. Out of the allotted fifteen minutes of fame, she overdrawn on about three minutes already. Megan is back with her pigmy midget dog, turning her nose up at the competition with her nickel's worth of IQ.

What is up with Raven? She is the most dysfunctional cast member ever. She's abrupt, discourteous, and what is up with the weave? Rodeo does not need to be there. Don't get me wrong, she's manic depressive and all, but she is nice. Courtney needs AA, not Charm School. Brandi C. is back and stupid as ever. I guess some things never change.

Charm School aside, the real surprise is that THE PICKUP ARTIST IS BACK ON VH1!!! On the very same day Charm School drops, Mystery is back with eight more lovable (hee hee, see the joke?) losers to groom into ladies' men. I am strangely excited, as I can't seem to figure out what the hell I love so much about this show. Mystery is the most annoyingly likable guy on the planet. And maybe because of my background in Psychology, I can relate to the ideas behind some of the techniques. I don't know. All that I do know is that Mystery and Matador (and hopefully, J-Dog?) are back for some primetime lovin' from Vh1, after being treated like the little brother of the network, airing on Sunday's lineup instead of Monday's.

With two of the powerhouse reality shows coming up, there should be plenty of debauchery for me to blog over!

Sincerely excited!

Very Sincerely Me...IN NYC!!!

Hello, my faithful. I am SO sorry that I have been off for so long. My personal life took such a fast and hard spiral downward that I still have a little vertigo. I haven't been posting because I have been trying to sort my mess out. Not to go into details (or play the violin), but I have taken some steps towards self improvement. The biggest change is that now I am living in New York City!!! Impressive, huh? From the small country to the big city! I just got it, and I am actually writing this post on my first morning in the city. I have to say, the possibilities here make me feel more alive than I have in a long time. I am going shopping and out to eat today.

The great thing about NYC is that there are so many important things going on here. I can't believe I am actually in New York where I hear so many things happening. Movie premiers, Broadway, nightlife, big events...everything is here! I hope that I run into some celebrities here so I can post them for you. I am actually here where I can meet with some interesting people and do some interesting things. I hope this actually gives me some dirt to dish about here.Anyway, this short post is just to let you know that I am alive still, and that I haven't forgot about this blog. I intend to start back dishing and gossiping on stuff soon.

Sincerely a "New" Yorker (get the pun?)

Flavor of Lost...Thing 2 gets dissed on air and other news.

If you decided to give a damn and watch the Flavor of Love 2 Reunion show, you learned that Flavor Flav chose Thing 2 as his lady. You also learned that Flavor Flav dumped his amour for his baby mama on national television. Ouch, love hurts! As you all know, I have always criticized the women of Flavor of Love for being fame parasites. Now I stand corrected. The very same baby mama drama is what caused the rift between Flav and second season victim Deelishis (a.k.a London Charles, a.k.a Bertha Butt). It seems as if Flav deliberately planned the third season just so he could give more oxygen to his brain-dead career.

I would be sorry for Thing 2, but the reality is she really wasn't a prize. She reminded me of Franklin the turtle with the shape of her face. Anyway, I really don't think that we can handle another season of Flavor of Love. I ripped Ice, but hey, she was smart. She appeared on the show, let the world know the truth about Flav (he is unattractive), got a teaspoon of cred, and left with her dignity.

Rumor has it...Tila Tequila, the star of the MTV trainwreck--err, television show "A Shot of Love," is not a real bisexual. I suspected this to be the case when she passed up Dani for that other guy. Something seemed really suspect about the way that these people came from far and wide to profess love for her. They didn't sound too convincing. I think she is doing it for the publicity of it all. She never seems to give the women much serious play. Oh well, why do I care about the tramp?

The sudden and awful demise of the Hogan family has captivated the minor populace that burned their brains on the reality TV show "Hogan Knows Best." Seems prude papa Hogan was a closet freak. He cheated on his wife with...gasp!...his daughter's friend! All this time he was preaching to his daughter about not being too sexy, and staying a virgin until marriage, Hulk was spelunking in the cavern of a younger woman. What a hypocrite! Seems like if Hogan does not know best about anything but cradle robbing. And now his son is following in his equally dismal footsteps. At least now Nick can say he has street cred...HE'S LOCKED UP IN JAIL!!!

Oh well, so much for the world of Celebreality!

Sincerely me again!

Back to Basics...the Reality TV Unwind.

Rock of Love 2 has officially ended. The reunion show aired, and we finally got to see just how trampy Heather really is. That is not the point of this post, however. (It would take an entire book to fully evaluate her trampiness.) The point of this post is to ruminate over the current state of affairs on reality television. Simply put, the current state is: NO. GOOD. SHOWS.

Miss Rap Supreme is from the same team that brought you The White Rapper Show. If you dare remember, The White Rapper Show was about several, err, white rappers vying for a cash prize and a token good for an ounce of street-cred. The thing about The White Rapper Show was that the concept was interesting, even in a stereotypical, Dave Chapellesque way. White rappers--at least you could laugh at the memory of Vanilla Ice.

Miss Rap Supreme is different, though. There is no real originality to this concept. And even worse, there are already a slew of really talented, and not-so-talented-but-skankier female rappers already out there making money (or "G's" as they are known in the 'hood). Miss Rap Supreme is just really another attempt to capitalize on another show that was popular.

And then there is Celebracadabra! A desparate group of has-been and never-were entertainment personalities compete for a title in....NOTHING!!! The last time magic ever mattered, Monticore made flilet mingion out of Roy Horn's neck. Why on earth would we even care that these people now want to prove that they are even more pathetically desperate than everyone suspected?

Is it me, or are they really beginning to run out of material for Reality TV?

Sincerely underwhelmed and disenchanted.

Rock of Love 2 Finale, Viva Stupidity, and I Know My Kid's My Paycheck and more.....

Hello, my faithful readers. I am sorry once again for the long delay. I regret to report, after over four long years of use, my desktop PC has finally fizzled. She lasted long and worked hard, but this past week, she went down. I am in the process of getting her repaired, and she is now stable, but my beloved desktop PC is on her last leg, it appears. It is a darn good thing that I was able to get myself another computer before the first one died, or else I would have been ticked!!!! So forgive me for staying away for so long again. I love you all, my readers!!!

With that being said, let's jump into the task at hand, shall we? ROCK OF LOVE 2 FINALE!!! Who did Bret pick? After the "shocker," with Destiny admitting that she was not dumb enough to fall in love with a man she just met a month ago, Bret was left with two choices: Daisy, the buxom buxom dumb blonde, and Amber, the almost-straight-laced-barely-sexy-rockstar-girlfriend-wannabe. Daisy had boobs, and Amber was smart. Daisy had boobs, and Amber was already secure and successful in her career. Daisy had boobs, and Amber had enough experience to really know what she wanted in a relationship. Daisy had boobs, and Amber was articulate and strong willed. Oh yeah, and Daisy had boobs.

With such a despicably difficult choice to make, Bret chose...GASP...Amber!!! Turns out, the woman he was about to scorn was the lesser of all the evils. Amber is a TV host, and so she already was on TV before the taping of the show. So at least she already had a small taste of airtime before dating Bret. Of course, she'll probably be able to get more gigs now that she is Bret's future ex. Hooray for Amber! Ride those 15 minutes hard, girl!!!

Vh1 has decided that for some absurd reason, what their viewers really want is a reality television show based on cheesy Latin Telenovellas. Don't know what that is? OF COURSE NOT!!! But Vh1 still thinks you'll buy it. So with almost no anticipation, the network has launched Viva Hollywood. This horrible show is focused on the idea that a bunch of half-Latin nobodies want easy and cheap fame in a Telemundo soap opera. With a cast of ridiculous "Latin" celebrities hosting, each week the looser is killed off Spanish style. I must say, I have never seen so many cultural stereotypes packed into one show! Viva Stereotypes! Viva Jalepenos! Viva Menudo! Viva Hollywood!

Last and least, just when you thought that enough adults have tried to claim reality TV fame, now the little kiddies are getting their chance at reality TV semi-stardom. The Vh1 show I Know My Kid's A Star focuses on showbiz moms and dads trying to get their kids famous. No matter how many child stars turn out to be utter failures, rest assured that there will always be parents willing to offer up their children for a shot at fame and money. And speaking of utter failures, who should host the show but the king of child star has-beens himself, Danny Bonaduce! No one knows better than he does what it takes to ruin a promising career. And what a mentor to chaperone these adorable kids down the Boulevard of Broken Dreams!

All in all, this reality season on Vh1 seems to be lacking the WOW, gotta-watch-it factor that previous seasons had. Vh1 is relying too much on tried and true shows, rather than creating the new reality series that will draw more audiences in. I hope that Vh1 is able to pick up the pace and deliver the next great mind-numbing reality show.

Until then, still Sincerely Me.